Finding Himself
by BlackAsHisName
Summary: When Harry realizes, due to a bit of meddling from an unexpected source, that he's been betrayed and manipulated for the 'Greater Good', he decides to take his life into his own hands. Along the way he may even find himself. And could he possibly be falling for a bubblegum haired auror?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:I do not own Harry Potter. The characters represented in this work belong to Ms. J.K. Rowling.

**Due to some helpful advice I realized my writing style was all wrong and my chapters too short. Some of them may still be shoddy in the near future, since I'm just starting out, but here is my revamped version. I hope it's a bit better than the last. I appreciate the suggestions and advice in the reviews.**

Harry Potter has never appreciated being lied to, and now as he lies in the hospital wing, half conscious, listening to the manipulative old headmaster talk with Remus Lupin, he realizes that he's been played by both of them.

"It's done sir. Black's out of the picture, this time permanently, and I think Potter will turn to me, since I'm supposed to be Black's best mate,"the soft spoken werewolf says.

"Good...very good Remus. You've done a wonderful job. I'm very proud of you Child,"the venerable old man replies, and Harry can practically _hear _the twinkle in his pale blue eyes. "Severus?"The old man asks.

"Yes Headmaster. The boy still distrusts me, even moreso since I stopped his occlumency lessons."Severus says softly. Albus nods contentedly, rocking back on his heels and unwrapping a lemon drop, popping the sweet into his mouth.

"Good. We can't have our young martyr befriending you sly and cunning Slytherins, now can we? If he does, he may begin to understand. How is dear Bellatrix doing by the way?" Severus rolls his eyes, but answers the rather sarcastic question nonetheless.

"Not well, Headmaster. She's taking Black's death hard. As a personal insult, one might say. You'd do well to never let her know that it was you that imperioused her, Wolf."Severus replies, and Harry can hear the disgust in his silky tone when he directs the last of his words toward Remus. Now Harry's utterly confused.

'Lupin imperioused Lestrange? Dumbledore is using me? What the hell is going on?' He wonders, bewildered.

"The boy's waking up."Severus drawls silkily. All three men cast a quick glance to the boy, who stirs a bit to make his "awakening" a bit more realistic.

"Ah, very good. It seems young Harry will pull through quite nicely. Severus, you'll see to it that he takes his potions?"Albus says, and though it's posed as a question the commanding tone of his voice is plain to hear.

"Of course. If the arrogant brat refuses I'll shove them down his throat,"the potions master sneers in response. Albus chuckles and Remus rolls his eyes.

'Am I mistaken or was that said almost playfully?' Harry wonders, vaguely convinced that too much exposure to the cruciatis curse must have blown a new personality into the cold wizard. 'Hmm, as long as he's acting decently I wonder if he might teach me occlumency again. I'll ask him later.' He decides.

"Oh Severus, do behave."Albus chortles before turning to Remus. "Shall we?"He asks, and Remus nods, following the headmaster from the room. Severus watches him go as he and Harry listen to their footsteps soften and gradually fade completely.

"Mr. Potter, I know that you can hear me so do open your eyes."Severus drawls, a moment later, once he's certain they're gone. Harry sighs and sits up, scrabbling for his glasses before watching the Slytherin curiously. "You heard most of that, didn't you?"The onyx eyed man asks softly. Harry nods in agreement. "I'm sorry that you had to, but I felt that you had the right to know."Severus explains softly.

"Sir...you hate me. Why are you helping me?"The young Gryffindor asks, thouroughly confused by the potions master's act of kindness. Severus sighs, wondering if he should tell the boy the truth. He eventually decides that perhaps one day he will, but not just yet. He's a man of many secrets, and is reluctant to part with his most closely guarded.

"I hated your father, Mr. Potter. You are not your father."He eventually settles on informing the emerald eyed teen.

On the Hogwarts Express, during the ride to King's Cross, Harry is unusually quiet and withdrawn. Ron repeatedly tries to interest him in talk of Quidditch or a game of Exploding Snap, but Hermione quietly informs him that perhaps Harry isn't feeling up to par yet, after the unexpected and tragic loss of his friend and godfather. Ron, though not fully understanding, does in fact know when to leave his friend to his brooding. In reality, though Sirius' death does hurt, it's the betrayal of the headmaster and Lupin, two men that he thought he could trust with his life, that hurts him the worst. And, to make matters worse, he finds himself wondering if Ron's in on any of this. He desperately hopes that he isn't but sometimes the redhead can be jealous and petty.

Once off the Express, Harry forces a smile for Mrs. Weasely, who quickly sees through the facade. She, like Hermione, attributes it to Sirius' death, and the motherly witch reaches out to embrace him, offering him the comfort his relatives never would.

Speaking of relatives..."There you are Boy. Well come on then! I don't have all day!"Vernon Dursley rumbles as Harry lugs his trunk to the car. He'd left Hedwig with Hermione for the holidays, to keep her safe. If Ron's petty, his uncle and cousin are far worse, and he worries for his familiar. "Get along then!"Vernon says, before giving a very put-upon sigh. "Once we're back you'll put that trunk of yours away and you'll start in on the chores immediately. Is this understood?"

"Yes Uncle Vernon."Harry sighs, realizing that he really doesn't have a choice in the matter. Now it's back to chores and his cousin's bullying. At least until Dumbledore decides he's been punished enough for one year, anyway. Harry isn't sure whether he hopes that will be soon of not. At least while playing the houself for the Dursleys he'll have time to think things over without having to put on a cheerful facade for his friends, and the ever watchful Mrs. Weasely.

"Dudley, I have a question for you."Harry says three days later, waving a five pound note in his muscular cousin's face to gain his attention. Dudley quickly snatches the money and cocks his head curiously. "That's your money now, Big-D. There's more where that came from if I get the answer I'm looking for."The green eyed teen entices. At Dudley's impatient guesture to continue, Harry smiles. "How much would I have to fork over for boxing lessons?"He asks.

Over the next month, the training that Dudley puts his cousin through is gruelling, but it isn't long before Harry starts to notice a difference. A slight difference to be sure, but a difference all the same. His only real form of excercise over the past few years has been Quidditch and fighting for his life. Next to the second form, boxing with Dudley seems like a cakewalk.

"Come on then. You can do better than that, you scrawny git!"Dudley laughs,dodging an uppercut from Harry, who growls in response. "Want me to stand still for you? I've got news for you Potter. It doesn't work like that. You think that Mouldywart bloke's gonn'a stand still while you knock his lights out?"Dudley ribs him. Harry snorts in amusement. Only a Dursley would call the feared and evil Dark Lord "Mouldywart".

"Why are you helping me anyway?"Harry asks curiously as Dudley forks over a bottle of flavored water. He peers at the larger teen over his wire-rimmed glasses as Dudley shrugs, seeming just a bit embarrassed. Finally Dudley clears his throat nervously before speaking.

"I -well besides the money anyway- I just figured I never...er...you know,"he trails off, mumbling something unintelligable. He sighs when Harry gives him an utterly bemused look in response. "I never thanked you for saving me from those bloody dementoids, alright? I figured I should,"he grumbles, hoping no one catches him spilling his guts to his freaky cousin, of all people. Harry, seeing how uncomfortable Dudley is, nods and decides to leave it at that.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry gives his best easy grin as he lopes down the stairs of Number Four to see a select few Order Members waiting for him. "Hello Harry."Remus says warmly, taking his trunk and shrinking it for him. Harry smiles in return, placing the shrunken trunk back in his pocket.

Thank you Professor Lupin,"he says politely, even as his stomache churns at the sight of the sandy haired werewolf. Beside Remus, Alastor 'Madeye' Moody merely nods in acknowlegement of the teen, who gives a half smile in return. Then he looks to the other Order Member.

"Wotcher Harry!"Tonks chirps, giving him the easy grin of a kindred spirit. They are similar in some ways, Harry muses. After all, Harry has his scar and Tonks has her metamorphagus abilities. As an auror Tonks defends the weak and vulnerable just as Harry tries to do. He wonders if he may find more similarities if he takes the time to get to know her better.

"Hi Tonks,"he replies, just a bit shyly. He's had a slight crush on the young auror since they spent a bit of time together at Grimmauld Place, both the summer before and over the winter holidays. He likes that she treats him like a responsible individual, like a soldier on the front lines instead of an immature schoolboy whose only concerns are Quidditch and which broom cupboard to snog his girl of the week in without getting busted by Filch.

"How are you Harry?"Rems asks. He gives Harry a warm smile which the young Gryffindor reluctantly returns. Harry mentally sighs as he wonders how long he'll have to keep up this charade until the truth is revealed.

'Like you care how I feel!' Harry thinks angrily, but outwardly keeps his composure. He can't afford to let Remus know that he knows. If the werewolf has even the vaguest suspicion, he'll report it to Dumbledore. The last thing Harry can afford to do is force the old man to tip his hand before he's prepared to deal with the consequences.

"I'm alright Professor. And you?" Remus gives a heavy sigh and a sad smile in response.

"Right. We can continue this cozy catch-up later."Madeye snaps impatiently, taking Harry's arm and dragging him toward the apparation point behind some bushes. "Ever side-alonged before?"He asks gruffly.

"Er-no."Harry replies nervously, glancing around at the others. If this is anything like portkeys or the floo netword he has a feeling this will not be a patronus memory.

"It's simple. Just take my arm and don't let go. Whatever you do Boy, don't let go,"he repeats pointedly, as if Harry were simple. "Were you listening to me?"He questions. Harry immediately nods in agreement. "Good. You never can tell with Potters. Your father and Black never listened to a word I daid."Alastor sighs, sounding as if he's reliving a particularly irritating memory.

'Oh. Right. Dad and Sirius were aurors. They must have been on the force with Madeye.'Harry remembers. He decides that maybe one day he can ask the grizzled old auror a bit about what sort of aurors the two were. 'Maybe he'll even give me a bit of advice if I ask nicely.' He muses hopefully.

"Are we going now or should we circle the block a few times to confuse the Deez?"Tonks asks cheekily. Madeye simply glares halfheartedly at his protege before turning on his heel, still grasping Harry's arm firmly. Harry suddenly feels as if he's being sucked through a straw, turned inside out and placed in a blender all at once. That's not a very pleasant feeling, as one may imagine, so he looks understandably green upon their arrival at Number Twelve.

"Never do that while carrying hot coffee."Tonks warns playfully, shuddering at a memory. Harry decides it's probably for the best he doesn't ask, but he can't help but to smirk fondly at the reminder of Tonks' endearing clumbsiness.

"Hello Dear!"Mrs. Weasely greets when Madeye quickly ushers them inside. Harry smiles halfheartedly as she pulls him into a crushing embrace, and he returns her hug full force. He's certain Mrs. Weasely isn't in on Dumbledore's scheming manipulations. Surely no one could fake the sort of kindness he's shown him over the years. "You're still far too thin! Don't you worry. Right after the meeting we'll set about fixing that,"she fusses, ruffling her hair before sending him up the stairs to greet his friends.

Harry's careful to move quietly, hoping not to wake the portrait of Sirius' mother, but that becomes a moot point when Tonks trips over thin air, causing the portrait to startle awake and shout about mudbloods and blood traitors infiltrating the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. "Shut it, you old hag!"Harry hears Tonks shout irritably in response, causing him to chuckle softly as he knocks on Hermione's door.

"Come in,"she calls out, and he's been her friend long enough to tell that she sounds absolutely miserable. He figures she and Ron must be arguing again. "Hi Harry,"she mumbles, face still buried in her pillow.

"Hey Mione,"he replies softly as he slips into the room,closing the door behind him. "What's wrong?"He asks, feeling a brotherly sort of protection for her.

"It's Ronald. He's always such a git."She explains morosely.

"Yeah, but he's a git you like." Harry quickly regrets making that observation out loud as he dodges a rather heavy textbook thrown his way.

Tonks sits at the table in the kitchen of Number Twelve, trying to keep herself awake through another dreadfully boring meeting. She stifles a yawn behind her arm and glances around the room, noting a few others who look a bit bored as well. Currently the Weasely twins are passing notes -probably planning their next prank- Severus is leaning back in his chair, nodding sagely whenever Albus speaks -he probably isn't listening to a word the old man's saying- and Madeye's allowing his magical eye to roam around the room.

Tonks would bet her next paycheck he's spying on the kids upstairs, just for something to do. Molly's bustling about the room, preparing dinner and, though she occasionally voices her opinion, Tonks would bet the motherly witch had many more important things on her mind. Like the green eyed bloke upstairs. Merlin knows Tonks couldn't blame anyone for thinking about him.

'That's quite enough! He's barely sixteen!' She silently scolds herself, when her own thoughts turn to Harry Potter. She mentally shakes herself and glances around again, looking for a distraction. She finds her best mate from her Hogwarts days, Bill Weasely, sporting a rather idiotic grin as he absently sketches something on a dinner napkin. "What's this?"She whispers, thouroughly amused when she sees the sketch of a blonde witch.

"Fluer."He sighs dreamily, grin never slipping. Tonks chuckles softly and shakes her head.

"The veela from the tournament? You have it bad Mate,"she chortles, thouroughly amused. She can't remember the last time she'd seen Bill look quite like this over a girl. This one must be something special, and Tonks isn't thinking about the fact that she's a beautiful French veela.

"Kindly shut up you imbeciles, before he catches you not paying attention! Do you really want a repeat of last week's 'I am the most important person in the world and you will worship my twinkle' tantrum?"Severus hisses, causing Tonks to smirk faintly at her mother's old friend.

"Worship my twinkle?"Bill asks laughingly.

"It does seem to fit."Tonks retorts, with a shrug.

Upstairs, Harry and Hermione are having an important meeting of their own. "Shouldn't Ronald be here?"Hermione asks. She knows that Ron has his moments but he is their friend. Just because he's a stubborn git is no reason to leave him out of whatever the "important discussion" is that Harry wants to have.

"I don't know Mione. Should he? This is important and I'm not sure if I can completely trust him after the whole tournament fiasco."Harry replies.

"Yes, but Harry, wasn't he there for you at the Department of Mysteries, when you really needed him?"She reminds him. Harry sighs.

"I'm sorry Mione. I'm just a bit confused right now. I learned some things recently that has me questioning alot of things about my life and alot of the friendships I've made over the years. Ron's going to have to prove himself to me."

"Then let him. Let us both."Hermione persuades.

"How?"Harry asks warily. He's not sure he wants to hear her answer, honestly. Knowing Hermione it could either be logical and easily do-able, or it could be an excuse to try out the veritaserum she's always wanted the chance to brew.

"Just tell us what's going on. We're your friends and we do want to prove it." Harry hesitates a moment and then finally nods before strolling across the hall to find Ron. He'll give him a chance. It's the least he can do after the acromantula incident.

"So what you're saying is that Dumbledore and Lupin are using you?"Hermione asks, stunned. She doesn't want to believe it. She's always had faith in the authority figures in her life, has always believed that they'd ultimately work in the best interest of everyone, no matter what she personally thinks of them. But she does believe it, simply because it's Harry standing before her, telling her everything. Harry wouldn't lie to her.

"Snape was nice to you?"Ron can't seem to get past this topic. Hermione finds his reaction to be vaguely amusing, to be honest.

'And cute...wait. What?' She clears that thought from her mind. Ron's her friend, not a potential boyfriend. He has no interest in her. Right?

"Yes Ron. Snape was nice to me. Now can we get back to the more important discussion?"Harry asks dryly.

"Oh. Right. Sorry Mate,"the redhead replies sheepishly. Harry snorts and nods.

"You guys believe me right?"He asks hopefully.

"Of course Mate. When have you ever lied to us?"Ron replies with a shrug.

"Yes we believe you. The only question is what we should do about it."Hermione adds, ever the logical one of the trio.

"What have we always done? We wing it."Ron shrugs. It's always worked in their favor before, so why not now?

"Wing it Ronald? That's your wonderful advice?"Hermione asks, wondering if the redhead has temporarily taken leave of his senses. She's even more horrified when Harry nods in agreement.

"Well it's not like we have a better option. It's not like Harry could just ask any Order Member to spy for him, now is it?"Ron snaps, a bit hurt that his plan is being trodden on once again. Hermione's eyes widen.

"No."Harry says firmly.

"But Harry, Ronald's idea is absolutely brilliant!"Hermione exclaims, pretty brown doe eyes lit with anticipation of the rather ingenious idea. Well it would be ingenious if Dumbledore hadn't thought of it first.

"It is?"Ron asks, confused.

'Wasn't she just knocking it?' Ron quickly decides that girls are a mystery he will never understand.

"I know it is. A spy would be great, but Mione, that would be dangerous for whoever we recruited."Harry reminds his favorite bushy haired bookworm, gently.

"A spy? Dangerous? Why not just get Snape to do it then?"Ron asks, now catching on. Harry sighs.

"Ron, Snape has enough problems trying to balance his life as a spy, Death Eater and Order Member. He's in enough danger as it is."

"Why do you care?"Ron retorts, in confusion.

"He cared enough to warn me in the first place about all of this. No Mione. I simply can't go around asking Order Members to spy for us. Besides that I'm rather sure they're not all the good guys."

"What about Tonks then? What about my family and Madeye?"Ron furrows a brow when Hermione gives him a strange look. "What?"

"Keep talking Ronald. Intelligent things are coming out and I think I like it."Hermione teases in reply, causing Ron to turn his least favorite shade of maroon. Harry chuckles and rolls his eyes at his friends' banter.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies."Albus intones solemnly, with the Order Members -barring Remus Lupin Kingsley Shacklebolt and Severus Snape- listen in both rapt attention and horror.

"Albus, this can't mean Harry! He's just a boy!"Molly exclaims, frightened for her surrogate son. The old man bows his head, but neither Severus nor Tonks are fooled by this false display of sorrow.

'Why hasn't he told Harry, if all of this were true?' Tonks wonders. She is, after all, her mother's daughter. And, though Andromeda Tonks approves of Tonks' conviction and dedication to the war effort, the Slytherin and disgraced Black had warned her child not to fall prey to Dumbledore's manipulative nature.

Severus, however, had known of at least part of the prophecy for over fourteen years. He, after all, was the one that the headmaster manipulated into handing the blasted thing over to Voldemort, in the first place. That is an action that he will regret until his dying breath.

"What does this mean Albus? Potter must either kill or be killed? That's not a fair choice for a child to have to make."Madeye growls out.

"Alas, it is not, but Harry will have to make it anyway. Thus goes the way of the world."Albus replies, looking every bit his one hundred and sixty years.

"Says who? A half-wit soothsayer that can't see her crystal ball clearly through thick glasses and six bottles of cooking sherry?"McGonagall snorts in reply. Everyone knows she's never put much stock in prophecies, and certainly not in the prophecies of one Sybill Trelawney.

"A prophecy is a prophecy, my dear Professor, no matter who makes it."Albus chides. Minerva snorts but doesn't reply. She knows Albus is a powerful wizard, and there was a time when she thought he was a good man, but now she has to wonder if perhaps the power hasn't corrupted him. Why else would he keep something so important from the Order?

'Forget the Order. What about Harry? This is his future Albus is playing with.' She reminds herself, thinking fondly of the few times she'd babysitted little Harry for James and Lily, when both of them and Sirius happened to be working at the same time.

'Letting me stay locked in Crouch's trunk for a year was quite enough! Now he's toying with the boy's life for the 'Greater Good' as well?' Madeye mentally snarls, thinking very uncomplimentary things about his old friend at the moment.

'Oh, poor Harry! Surely Albus could come up with another way to end the war? Isn't he supposed to be the only one You-Know-Who ever feared?' Molly frets.

'I'll bet that blasted prophecy isn't even real! Albus is probably counting on the Dark Lord to make it a self-fulfilling one!' Severus internally rages.

Tonks, for her part, thinks only one thing: 'I have to tell Harry.'

"No one is allowed to tell young Harry about this just yet. I believe that he should have another year or so of childhood before he's faced with this daunting task."Albus warns, causing Tonks to scowl and tighten her occlumency shields, wondering if he's somehow broken through.


End file.
